Once again, at Walter's insistence, I've started another blog. This one is just for what he calls "my little rants about songs". Apparently, I crab about music enough that he's had time to CREATE a name for them, but he seems to like it when I do it and thinks the rest of the world might be similarly entertained. I pity any of you who actually agree! :-)
The title for this blog actually came from Mark (Wassamatta U) and Kevin both. Kevin was responsible for Blinded By the Sprite (which he woke up and said to me in the middle of the night and just wouldn't leave my head) and Mark had gone entirely insane using the words "verse" and "stanza" to the point where I HAD to take something he said just to make him take his Ritalin...!
Anyway, you can check it out and let me know what you think: (http://blindedbythesprite.blogspot.com/)
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Sometimes, you gotta be stronger than you are...
My dad told me this once, and I normally try to live up to it. The past month has been hard though.
Kevin's been in pain since...well, some type of heavy duty meds have been involved since 2004, but it started before that, even. The accident brought out some more complications, none of which the doctors can be clear on yet. They were offering him stronger meds, which he balked at because of the level of addiction he was afraid he was getting into. Meanwhile, I was trying to do whatever it took to keep him pain free, but hitting a wall when it came to the meds being upped because of his worries. He was getting depressed, I was getting depressed, detached and even angry by varying degrees, all which culminated in HUGE amounts of guilt.
See, it's a little scary trying to take care of someone for a tomboy. We pretty much have NO clue about woman's intuition, so if a guy like Kevin says he's fine, we believe him until he actually makes the pain noises. Then we feel guilty thinking we should have known better or felt some kind of natural urge to protect him or something, which makes us mad ("why didn't you TELL me you were hurting?" or "why'd you do that? It's just gonna hurt MORE!") and THAT leads to the guilt about getting mad at someone in pain.
After talking with him, I came to some heavy realizations about all this:
1. Kevin is actually suffering from CHRONIC pain, not just recurring bouts that have an ending. The pain for him is constant, and in varying degrees. It's not the type that actually gets better (at least, not as yet); there just seem to be good and bad days. This means it's NOT just mind over matter.
2. All Kevin is really supposed to do is sit or lay down and not bend his neck. This means his life is mostly tv and books/computer for a short period. It makes him feel useless and of no help to me as a man, but his independence and stubbornness about doing for himself leaves me with the same feeling as a woman. I know the doctors are right and I really need to make him NOT do things, but I have to keep in mind the destructive thoughts he has about not feeling like he can help me when I remind him NOT to try and clean/make dinner/do laundry, etc.
3. I can't hinge my happiness on how he feels on any given day, or else I'll always be sad and so will he. There are enough opportunities for him to be depressed about pain without me adding to the festivities! :-) It's actually okay for me to find ways to enjoy myself (Comedy Sportz, after school activities, etc.) as well as take care of him.
5. That being said, when I get overwhelmed with trying to be brave for him, it's okay to break down once in a while and cry. It does NOT make me a bad wife. If I don't, I'll get tight and wound up and won't be much good to him, anyway. Supporting someone through pain is taking care of their needs, but NOT wallowing in misery with them. I need to find ways to stay happy to keep his spirits up, too.
So, last weekend afforded me the chance to...well, cry. I think I needed it. I told my mom and she was just sorry it was so hard for both of us. I don't think it occurred to me that I was in a situation to be pitied, too. After all, I wasn't hurting. But, she said it's like being the parent of a child who's sick and you can't help. You're going through an emotional strain that can be just as awful as what the victim is suffering. She's right...your spouse really IS your baby when you don't have kids and I worry about his well being more than anyone else's I know, including my own. I had entirely disregarded my need to let go.
Yay, moms!
Next step...talk to her about where SHE'S currently going wrong. She and my brother aren't talking and I've woken up two nights in a row now with answers why and explanations that ought to be made. That'll take a COMPLETELY different blog someday, but not today...!
I WILL get a new blog going for something Walter suggested and Mark named...more on that later, too!
D.
Kevin's been in pain since...well, some type of heavy duty meds have been involved since 2004, but it started before that, even. The accident brought out some more complications, none of which the doctors can be clear on yet. They were offering him stronger meds, which he balked at because of the level of addiction he was afraid he was getting into. Meanwhile, I was trying to do whatever it took to keep him pain free, but hitting a wall when it came to the meds being upped because of his worries. He was getting depressed, I was getting depressed, detached and even angry by varying degrees, all which culminated in HUGE amounts of guilt.
See, it's a little scary trying to take care of someone for a tomboy. We pretty much have NO clue about woman's intuition, so if a guy like Kevin says he's fine, we believe him until he actually makes the pain noises. Then we feel guilty thinking we should have known better or felt some kind of natural urge to protect him or something, which makes us mad ("why didn't you TELL me you were hurting?" or "why'd you do that? It's just gonna hurt MORE!") and THAT leads to the guilt about getting mad at someone in pain.
After talking with him, I came to some heavy realizations about all this:
1. Kevin is actually suffering from CHRONIC pain, not just recurring bouts that have an ending. The pain for him is constant, and in varying degrees. It's not the type that actually gets better (at least, not as yet); there just seem to be good and bad days. This means it's NOT just mind over matter.
2. All Kevin is really supposed to do is sit or lay down and not bend his neck. This means his life is mostly tv and books/computer for a short period. It makes him feel useless and of no help to me as a man, but his independence and stubbornness about doing for himself leaves me with the same feeling as a woman. I know the doctors are right and I really need to make him NOT do things, but I have to keep in mind the destructive thoughts he has about not feeling like he can help me when I remind him NOT to try and clean/make dinner/do laundry, etc.
3. I can't hinge my happiness on how he feels on any given day, or else I'll always be sad and so will he. There are enough opportunities for him to be depressed about pain without me adding to the festivities! :-) It's actually okay for me to find ways to enjoy myself (Comedy Sportz, after school activities, etc.) as well as take care of him.
5. That being said, when I get overwhelmed with trying to be brave for him, it's okay to break down once in a while and cry. It does NOT make me a bad wife. If I don't, I'll get tight and wound up and won't be much good to him, anyway. Supporting someone through pain is taking care of their needs, but NOT wallowing in misery with them. I need to find ways to stay happy to keep his spirits up, too.
So, last weekend afforded me the chance to...well, cry. I think I needed it. I told my mom and she was just sorry it was so hard for both of us. I don't think it occurred to me that I was in a situation to be pitied, too. After all, I wasn't hurting. But, she said it's like being the parent of a child who's sick and you can't help. You're going through an emotional strain that can be just as awful as what the victim is suffering. She's right...your spouse really IS your baby when you don't have kids and I worry about his well being more than anyone else's I know, including my own. I had entirely disregarded my need to let go.
Yay, moms!
Next step...talk to her about where SHE'S currently going wrong. She and my brother aren't talking and I've woken up two nights in a row now with answers why and explanations that ought to be made. That'll take a COMPLETELY different blog someday, but not today...!
I WILL get a new blog going for something Walter suggested and Mark named...more on that later, too!
D.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Well, of course YOU did...!
So, I threw my primary vote to Barrack Obama today. I felt so GUILTY, it wasn't funny. I snuck in there with that same self conscious feeling I get when I'm buying fried chicken in public, the same feeling that makes Kevin the buyer of watermelon in our house instead of me. I can't stand that sensation that people are looking at me going "Well, of course YOU voted for Barrack...he's black and everything!" Like I couldn't POSSIBLY be voting for him because I loved his speech at the National Convention or that I like his moderate attitude or because I think he's got a better chance than the others of wresting power away from the Republican Party.
Think this is a silly thought? While I was visiting Canada back in October, an older couple asked me if I was voting for Hilary or Osama (yes, OSAMA!) I laughed and said, "You mean Obama, right? Because that would be a VERY different election...!" Again, they believed I could only be thinking about voting for the black guy or the woman, regardless of their actual job qualifications. At the time, I was really kinda leaning toward John Edwards (out of defiance, I guess), but it was awkward to only be seen as being so one sided.
Anyway, I'm glad it's over for now. I'll have to wait and see what the polls say. Honestly, though, if it's between John McCain and Barrack Obama, I'll be happy with either one. I'd like to believe that Barrack would be forced into ushering in a new age of change, but John McCain seems to be just as bent on making his party better and has a history of being a maverick as it is. It all works toward the same goal, really.
Think this is a silly thought? While I was visiting Canada back in October, an older couple asked me if I was voting for Hilary or Osama (yes, OSAMA!) I laughed and said, "You mean Obama, right? Because that would be a VERY different election...!" Again, they believed I could only be thinking about voting for the black guy or the woman, regardless of their actual job qualifications. At the time, I was really kinda leaning toward John Edwards (out of defiance, I guess), but it was awkward to only be seen as being so one sided.
Anyway, I'm glad it's over for now. I'll have to wait and see what the polls say. Honestly, though, if it's between John McCain and Barrack Obama, I'll be happy with either one. I'd like to believe that Barrack would be forced into ushering in a new age of change, but John McCain seems to be just as bent on making his party better and has a history of being a maverick as it is. It all works toward the same goal, really.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Cars, pedestrians and other comedy sportz!
Right, so this is more like 2 weeks in between posts, but in my defense, CQ was over here with Kitten and Falling Leaves and they were all...CQing and Kittening and Falling around, so we couldn't concentrate...so...yeah...!
Anyway, it's been a crazy two weeks, the worst of which came two days ago. I'm just gonna preface this by saying "No sprites, Highlanders or teenagers were harmed in the making of this incident!"
Kevin and I were in a car accident Thursday night. We hit two teenagers that we know through their families at school (I actually do an afterschool reading team with the mom of the passenger and had the little sister of the driver in my GT class). We were coming down the main road going home and the driver turned in front of us to make a left on our green light. When he saw us, he put his brakes on, so they slowed down instead of speeding out of the way (his insurance company later told us he was reacting to his girlfriend's scream when she saw us coming at them). We slammed our brakes and tried to avoid them, but there was no way to go but into their car.
Even now, it's like a bad dream where things NEARLY happen, but nothing quite comes of it. There were emergency vehicles everywhere and lots of broken car parts, but no hurt people...even the kids were fine. Our airbags didn't deploy, but the seatbelts were enough. I had this horrible moment where I thought the Highlander was injured, and another when I thought we'd hurt the two kids, but none of that came to pass. Our car was totaled, so a sheriff had to drive us home, but the rental people got us another car yesterday. And even though we had initial worries about this being a huge problem (two teachers hit local teens, or local kids fight insurance claim), the family accepted full responsibility and all our needs will be paid for. Heck, while visiting the doctor yesterday, we found out our favorite nurse hates her green 1995 Subaru Legacy (the EXACT car we totaled!) and would LOVE to trade it for our gas guzzling GMC Sierra that we've had off the road for months!
I guess the only piece of this that makes this real is that yesterday, we were both home and safe on a school day without some sort of debilitating illness being involved (you guys KNOW what I'm talking about!). We slept in and rested pretty well, so all we have is stiffness and my tongue being sore from biting it. I actually had a UTI that I should have stayed home from work on Friday for (and wasn't going to), and the Highlander (who's a sub and part time at a lab) has had no paid days off since...um, last year at this time when he was still considered full time at the lab! If not for the car being totaled, both of us would have been stretched thin at work and come home exhausted. Had it even been just a fender bender, we'dve had to handle all the insurance stuff while TRYING to work.
This whole episode has become a weird blessing in disguise, I guess. Admittedly, we're good and sore NOW, but still...it's the kind of day where you should hug the ones you love, call the ones you miss and thank God that you've got your health.
Anyway, I know this sounds weird, but I needed to TALK about this! The Highlander and I have rehashed the whole thing so many times now, it's not even FUNNY, but I still wanted to just...TELL someone. I'm not quite sure why, but I've noticed people tend to WANT to talk about really scary life stuff (like, I really WANTED to talk about my grandma when she passed, or when I rolled my car a few winters ago). I feel like some sort of morbid braggart, but it really helps to share it. Does anyone else get that feeling?
In less "holy !@#$" kind of news, I think I'm going to audition for Comedy Sportz in Buffalo. I haven't gotten to do much improv outside of my normal classroom goofiness lately (plus I've forgotten what a pain it was to drive into town and do late night shows...oh, wait...). Okay, STILL, I'm gonna try out. If I don't get in, no worries. If I do...I'll have to think about that part of it when it happens! Easier to say no after I've actually MADE the cut than to never try at all, right?
Oh, and I've been WALKING! I've actually been getting outside and walking the streets trying to earn extra money for...no, wait, that's KEVIN! I'VE been walking for my HEALTH! :-) I realized how crazy it was to get upset at my mom for being in shape and not condoning the lumpy middleagedness that is myself and decided to do something about it all. Kevin's neck has been bad, so he hasn't been walking EVERY day with me, but he INSISTS on following me in the car like some kind of stalker! :-) I've convinced him to at least go up a street instead of trailing behind me so that the neighbors don't run outside and try to confront him while dragging me to their porch for safety!
Anyway, we've gotta get to the hospital to get Kevin's neck X-rayed (just to be safe). I'll throw some more down later...!
Anyway, it's been a crazy two weeks, the worst of which came two days ago. I'm just gonna preface this by saying "No sprites, Highlanders or teenagers were harmed in the making of this incident!"
Kevin and I were in a car accident Thursday night. We hit two teenagers that we know through their families at school (I actually do an afterschool reading team with the mom of the passenger and had the little sister of the driver in my GT class). We were coming down the main road going home and the driver turned in front of us to make a left on our green light. When he saw us, he put his brakes on, so they slowed down instead of speeding out of the way (his insurance company later told us he was reacting to his girlfriend's scream when she saw us coming at them). We slammed our brakes and tried to avoid them, but there was no way to go but into their car.
Even now, it's like a bad dream where things NEARLY happen, but nothing quite comes of it. There were emergency vehicles everywhere and lots of broken car parts, but no hurt people...even the kids were fine. Our airbags didn't deploy, but the seatbelts were enough. I had this horrible moment where I thought the Highlander was injured, and another when I thought we'd hurt the two kids, but none of that came to pass. Our car was totaled, so a sheriff had to drive us home, but the rental people got us another car yesterday. And even though we had initial worries about this being a huge problem (two teachers hit local teens, or local kids fight insurance claim), the family accepted full responsibility and all our needs will be paid for. Heck, while visiting the doctor yesterday, we found out our favorite nurse hates her green 1995 Subaru Legacy (the EXACT car we totaled!) and would LOVE to trade it for our gas guzzling GMC Sierra that we've had off the road for months!
I guess the only piece of this that makes this real is that yesterday, we were both home and safe on a school day without some sort of debilitating illness being involved (you guys KNOW what I'm talking about!). We slept in and rested pretty well, so all we have is stiffness and my tongue being sore from biting it. I actually had a UTI that I should have stayed home from work on Friday for (and wasn't going to), and the Highlander (who's a sub and part time at a lab) has had no paid days off since...um, last year at this time when he was still considered full time at the lab! If not for the car being totaled, both of us would have been stretched thin at work and come home exhausted. Had it even been just a fender bender, we'dve had to handle all the insurance stuff while TRYING to work.
This whole episode has become a weird blessing in disguise, I guess. Admittedly, we're good and sore NOW, but still...it's the kind of day where you should hug the ones you love, call the ones you miss and thank God that you've got your health.
Anyway, I know this sounds weird, but I needed to TALK about this! The Highlander and I have rehashed the whole thing so many times now, it's not even FUNNY, but I still wanted to just...TELL someone. I'm not quite sure why, but I've noticed people tend to WANT to talk about really scary life stuff (like, I really WANTED to talk about my grandma when she passed, or when I rolled my car a few winters ago). I feel like some sort of morbid braggart, but it really helps to share it. Does anyone else get that feeling?
In less "holy !@#$" kind of news, I think I'm going to audition for Comedy Sportz in Buffalo. I haven't gotten to do much improv outside of my normal classroom goofiness lately (plus I've forgotten what a pain it was to drive into town and do late night shows...oh, wait...). Okay, STILL, I'm gonna try out. If I don't get in, no worries. If I do...I'll have to think about that part of it when it happens! Easier to say no after I've actually MADE the cut than to never try at all, right?
Oh, and I've been WALKING! I've actually been getting outside and walking the streets trying to earn extra money for...no, wait, that's KEVIN! I'VE been walking for my HEALTH! :-) I realized how crazy it was to get upset at my mom for being in shape and not condoning the lumpy middleagedness that is myself and decided to do something about it all. Kevin's neck has been bad, so he hasn't been walking EVERY day with me, but he INSISTS on following me in the car like some kind of stalker! :-) I've convinced him to at least go up a street instead of trailing behind me so that the neighbors don't run outside and try to confront him while dragging me to their porch for safety!
Anyway, we've gotta get to the hospital to get Kevin's neck X-rayed (just to be safe). I'll throw some more down later...!
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Our 2007 Holiday Letter (in worse format than the original!)
Happy Holidays 2007 From The Burkes!
About 10 years ago, Kevin and I met each other playing a game online. There were, at the time, over 1500 people playing that game at any given time during the day and I was already closer buddies with one of his friends. Neither of us was looking to do more than play a game and have fun with our free time, yet somehow we ended up together for life.
You’d think THAT would be a constant reminder that things always happen for a reason…!
Life is really funny sometimes. Last year was a year of loss and change, but somehow, as I write this fifth holiday update, I’m surprised at how we gain when we accept that we lost. Too many events have happened this year to remind us of this. For starters, our picture this year wasn’t taken on our anniversary (which we mutually decided to skip to work summer school). This picture was taken at the wedding of a close friend of ours, someone we might not have been reacquainted with if not for the passing of our friend Tom Hollis.
Last summer, we lost my grandmother Lucy Rollins, but almost exactly a year later, my brother Eric breathes new life into our family by marrying Antra.
We braced ourselves for more lean years when Kevin decided to go back to teaching (even went so far as to decide to let go of the house if needed), but found that a HUGE part of the pain in his head and neck came from the stress of working at the lab. Now that he’s been subbing all over the county, we’re finding we don’t go through as much medication to keep his pain at bay. Coupled with the gas saved in going to work together, we’re actually SAVING money.
We were late to a student’s basketball game and felt we’d really missed something important, but arrived at a crossroads just in time to witness a terrible car accident. Had we been on time to the game, we wouldn’t have been there to hold the victim’s head and comfort him until help arrived. The experience became even more real for us as later that same day, another accident happened at the same intersection and a life WAS lost.
Even the song that we chose to mark our anniversary, “Solsbury Hill” by Peter Gabriel, turned out to be prophetic in more ways than one. I was listening to it while driving Kevin home from his myelogram. He was so worn out and tired looking from his 6 hour ordeal that seeing the sun shine on his face and hearing the words “Grab your things, I’ve come to take you home” really hit me hard. As it stands, it’s also a song about letting go, taking a risk to reach for your goals, despite your fears.
The name of the game this year, then, is faith and perseverance. Obviously, we haven’t STOPPED trying to do what needs to be done to survive or to help others, but we can see there’s no point in worrying any further about whether things will all work out. More importantly we know better now than to worry if they will work out the way we WANT them to.
So, while life here is never perfect, we’ve learned to accept a few basic truths:
Wherever you are is where you need to be at that time (even if you’re late to work or a basketball game).
Do what you can to make things happen (God bless the child that’s got his own), but remember to thank God for those unanswered prayers, too.
Stop waiting for the other shoe to fall…if life will take a wrong turn, it doesn’t need your pessimism to guide it in!
Love and support each other in your dreams…and always be ready to grab your loved one’s things and take them back home.
Have a wonderful 2008!!!
From Kevin & Daina
Monday, December 31, 2007
So, thanks to CQ...
...I've been goaded into blogging just normal stuff...again!
The last time I said I'd do this, Enchantress got me to start messing with Live Journal. The problem is, I ALWAYS have tons of time on the holidays to post, but not during the rest of the school year. So, my New Year's resolution (along with starting Weight Watchers again and reducing my roleplaying time) is to post once a WEEK instead of daily. If I can do that, I'm happy. Of course, for the next few days, I'm going to move my Live Journal stuff over here, so it'll look like this wasn't the first day I posted. Rest assured, THIS is my first blogger post for this board!
Soooo.....
Today's going to be our traditional New Year's Eve fare for Kevin and I. We're going to go into Brockport and get the fixin's for sushi, along with some sparkling grape juice, then come home, make it, watch the ball drop and kiss. We started this tradition a few years ago when we decided to no longer go anywhere for the holiday. The Brockport part came in because I LOVE Wegmans' but driving into Williamsville is the antithesis of holiday fun and joy. Brockport is just as far from Medina and we get a beautiful back country drive through Orleans and some of Monroe County that way. With the snow on the ground again, it'll be a perfect little winter wonderland.
Am I the ONLY person in WNY who misses/loves snow? I realize it's become a pain for most of you (window scraping, driving and shoveling and all), but it still holds its magic for me (probably because I still get school snow days!). Nothing makes me happier than seeing the ground coated in flakes with the sky all steely gray and swirling with those huge lake effect flakes. In fact, as far as me and sprites go, I think Kevin is right. I'm a snow sprite in the winter, but I DO change with the seasons. I become a leaf sprite in fall (for obvious reason), an air sprite in spring ('cause I love that breath of fresh air the spring brings and all the smells of the world coming back to life) and a pine tree sprite in summer (because evergreen trees are where I seem to default).
Too much weird for you?
Okay, back to normal tomboy stuff. I actually DO care about whether the Patriots win the Super Bowl. Kevin loves them and since the Rams are out and baseball isn't back yet, I'll go for the winning team today! Also, I just heard they're televising the Ice Bowl tomorrow and I'm SO watching this! How cool is it that the Sabres and Penguins are gonna play outside??? It'll be like a real pond! :-)
Oh, and I finally finished my holiday letter for 2007. It'll be on it's way to everyone in the new year (once I print up enough copies), but I'm posting it here for you guys to read (check my next post).
Well, I think we're getting ready to head out to Wigglemeyer's...if I don't hear from anyone, have a great New Year's Eve and an even better new year!
The Sprite
The last time I said I'd do this, Enchantress got me to start messing with Live Journal. The problem is, I ALWAYS have tons of time on the holidays to post, but not during the rest of the school year. So, my New Year's resolution (along with starting Weight Watchers again and reducing my roleplaying time) is to post once a WEEK instead of daily. If I can do that, I'm happy. Of course, for the next few days, I'm going to move my Live Journal stuff over here, so it'll look like this wasn't the first day I posted. Rest assured, THIS is my first blogger post for this board!
Soooo.....
Today's going to be our traditional New Year's Eve fare for Kevin and I. We're going to go into Brockport and get the fixin's for sushi, along with some sparkling grape juice, then come home, make it, watch the ball drop and kiss. We started this tradition a few years ago when we decided to no longer go anywhere for the holiday. The Brockport part came in because I LOVE Wegmans' but driving into Williamsville is the antithesis of holiday fun and joy. Brockport is just as far from Medina and we get a beautiful back country drive through Orleans and some of Monroe County that way. With the snow on the ground again, it'll be a perfect little winter wonderland.
Am I the ONLY person in WNY who misses/loves snow? I realize it's become a pain for most of you (window scraping, driving and shoveling and all), but it still holds its magic for me (probably because I still get school snow days!). Nothing makes me happier than seeing the ground coated in flakes with the sky all steely gray and swirling with those huge lake effect flakes. In fact, as far as me and sprites go, I think Kevin is right. I'm a snow sprite in the winter, but I DO change with the seasons. I become a leaf sprite in fall (for obvious reason), an air sprite in spring ('cause I love that breath of fresh air the spring brings and all the smells of the world coming back to life) and a pine tree sprite in summer (because evergreen trees are where I seem to default).
Too much weird for you?
Okay, back to normal tomboy stuff. I actually DO care about whether the Patriots win the Super Bowl. Kevin loves them and since the Rams are out and baseball isn't back yet, I'll go for the winning team today! Also, I just heard they're televising the Ice Bowl tomorrow and I'm SO watching this! How cool is it that the Sabres and Penguins are gonna play outside??? It'll be like a real pond! :-)
Oh, and I finally finished my holiday letter for 2007. It'll be on it's way to everyone in the new year (once I print up enough copies), but I'm posting it here for you guys to read (check my next post).
Well, I think we're getting ready to head out to Wigglemeyer's...if I don't hear from anyone, have a great New Year's Eve and an even better new year!
The Sprite
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Solsbury Hill
Last night (July 17th) was the Highlander's and my 8th anniversary. Even though we ain't got money (there's a song in there somewhere), we've sort of developed a tradition over the past 5 years that I really enjoy that doesn't cost us a thing.
Back on our 3rd anniversary, I put together a list of songs that really represented our entire relationship history up to that point (the high tech version of the tape of songs couples used to make for each other back in high school!). I put them into a playlist on my Musicmatch program, then, in the Notes section, I wrote a little blurb about each one. For example, the first song is "Boy From New York City" (since the Highlander lived in New York and I was in Dallas when we met). I wrote:
When I first did this, there were 10 songs for the first part of our relationship, where we met online and really fell for each other. I used songs like "Take A Chance on Me" by ABBA and "I Just Want to Hang Around You" by George Benson. Then there's another 10 for when we met in person and things initially went sour because SOME dumb sprite was too afraid of commitment. I had some pretty sad songs there like "I Don't Know How To Love Him" by Helen Reddy (from Jesus Christ Superstar) and Please Mister Please" from Olivia Newton-John (on that one, I began with "Once you've reached the country music phase, you're missing someone too much!") and the last 10 for our amazing reunion and the two more separations afterward, all the way to our finally being together permanently. That part ends with "At Last" by Etta James and "Our House" by CSNY.
Anyway, it's become habit to listen to this set of songs on each anniversary. We read the blurbs all over again and sit and talk about where we were, how we were, and even WHO we at that time (plus we usually dance to our favorite ones). It had sort of become a musical timeline of our lives between 1997 and 2002, so for our 5th anniversary, I decided to go back and add a song for each year we'd been married. I already had songs up to the 3rd anniversary, so for the 4th, I added "You Just Can't Smile It Away" by Bill Withers (the song we danced to our first night in our new and VERY empty house) and the 5th was "As" by Stevie Wonder (where I began the blurb with "Our 5th anniversary...and now we're old enough to find meaning in obscure Stevie Wonder songs!") The blurbs have become longer each year so that I'm now writing short letters to go with each song and just adding it to the list. The list itself I've finally put into a Word Document so we can read it while we listen to the songs.
Which brings me to out 8th year...
This year's song was" Solsbury Hill" by Peter Gabriel. It was the song playing when I drove him home from the hospital a few weeks ago (he had a myelogram done to see what was wrong with his neck), and we were REALLY scared about it. Everyone told him how bad the pain could be and he put it off for months. So, as I looked over at him looking all worn out and tired, with the sun shining in on him, I was so overwhelmed that I suddenly had to just thank God for letting my hubby come home safe and sound. The song just wouldn't leave my head, thought, so after researching it a bit, I found out it's a song about changing your life and being ready to lose what you have for what you might get and just letting go in general.
That's been a HUGE thing for us this year...we had to choose to give up our home, most certainly gave up our pride, our personal and physical comfort and many other things, only to find out that fate had other things in mind. We gave up the house, only to find a last minute option that let us keep it and got us back on track financially again. The Highlander gave up working at the lab to sink everything into trying to become a teacher and we discovered that, even though he made less, we actually saved some money in not having him drive clear to Buffalo, plus he was SO much happier that we spent LESS time at the doctor's in pain. Because of the pain, we both gave in and decided to do this myelogram in the first place, knowing it meant he'd be in horrible pain for a solid week, but found out it wasn't as bad as we thought. We gave up any hope of having a child, only to discover how important the kids we teach have now become to us, as well as each other. And about 10 years ago for the Highlander and 6 for me, we both chose to leave our homes and families to live with the one we committed out lives to (he moved down to Texas where I was and we both moved back up to Western New York where he was from).
Sometimes you just have to give up your comfort zone to move on to the next big thing in your life.
And through all that, we've had each other. He's been my silent, stalwart companion in the storm, keeping me calm and centered when I thought I might crash on the rocks, while I've gone and STARTED storms for him, being his lightning and thunder when he needed someone to speak up on his behalf or to get him motivated. Each of us has been there to protect and care for the other.
So, what have we learned in 8 years? Life isn't always what we planned, but when you feel like you're "in a rut" or "part of the machinery" and you have to let fate take over, I hope each of YOU has a person like I do that can come to you, give you a hug and say:
"Grab your things, I've come to take you home."
Back on our 3rd anniversary, I put together a list of songs that really represented our entire relationship history up to that point (the high tech version of the tape of songs couples used to make for each other back in high school!). I put them into a playlist on my Musicmatch program, then, in the Notes section, I wrote a little blurb about each one. For example, the first song is "Boy From New York City" (since the Highlander lived in New York and I was in Dallas when we met). I wrote:
Kevin Burke, bachelor farmer, super uncle and generally laid back guy. He works all day, goes out on weekend nights, hunts during the season and sleeps when his body tells him to. He's out of the race for the right girl and has decided to enjoy life the way it is.
Poor bastard...doesn't even know how miserable he is! ;-)
When I first did this, there were 10 songs for the first part of our relationship, where we met online and really fell for each other. I used songs like "Take A Chance on Me" by ABBA and "I Just Want to Hang Around You" by George Benson. Then there's another 10 for when we met in person and things initially went sour because SOME dumb sprite was too afraid of commitment. I had some pretty sad songs there like "I Don't Know How To Love Him" by Helen Reddy (from Jesus Christ Superstar) and Please Mister Please" from Olivia Newton-John (on that one, I began with "Once you've reached the country music phase, you're missing someone too much!") and the last 10 for our amazing reunion and the two more separations afterward, all the way to our finally being together permanently. That part ends with "At Last" by Etta James and "Our House" by CSNY.
Anyway, it's become habit to listen to this set of songs on each anniversary. We read the blurbs all over again and sit and talk about where we were, how we were, and even WHO we at that time (plus we usually dance to our favorite ones). It had sort of become a musical timeline of our lives between 1997 and 2002, so for our 5th anniversary, I decided to go back and add a song for each year we'd been married. I already had songs up to the 3rd anniversary, so for the 4th, I added "You Just Can't Smile It Away" by Bill Withers (the song we danced to our first night in our new and VERY empty house) and the 5th was "As" by Stevie Wonder (where I began the blurb with "Our 5th anniversary...and now we're old enough to find meaning in obscure Stevie Wonder songs!") The blurbs have become longer each year so that I'm now writing short letters to go with each song and just adding it to the list. The list itself I've finally put into a Word Document so we can read it while we listen to the songs.
Which brings me to out 8th year...
This year's song was" Solsbury Hill" by Peter Gabriel. It was the song playing when I drove him home from the hospital a few weeks ago (he had a myelogram done to see what was wrong with his neck), and we were REALLY scared about it. Everyone told him how bad the pain could be and he put it off for months. So, as I looked over at him looking all worn out and tired, with the sun shining in on him, I was so overwhelmed that I suddenly had to just thank God for letting my hubby come home safe and sound. The song just wouldn't leave my head, thought, so after researching it a bit, I found out it's a song about changing your life and being ready to lose what you have for what you might get and just letting go in general.
That's been a HUGE thing for us this year...we had to choose to give up our home, most certainly gave up our pride, our personal and physical comfort and many other things, only to find out that fate had other things in mind. We gave up the house, only to find a last minute option that let us keep it and got us back on track financially again. The Highlander gave up working at the lab to sink everything into trying to become a teacher and we discovered that, even though he made less, we actually saved some money in not having him drive clear to Buffalo, plus he was SO much happier that we spent LESS time at the doctor's in pain. Because of the pain, we both gave in and decided to do this myelogram in the first place, knowing it meant he'd be in horrible pain for a solid week, but found out it wasn't as bad as we thought. We gave up any hope of having a child, only to discover how important the kids we teach have now become to us, as well as each other. And about 10 years ago for the Highlander and 6 for me, we both chose to leave our homes and families to live with the one we committed out lives to (he moved down to Texas where I was and we both moved back up to Western New York where he was from).
Sometimes you just have to give up your comfort zone to move on to the next big thing in your life.
And through all that, we've had each other. He's been my silent, stalwart companion in the storm, keeping me calm and centered when I thought I might crash on the rocks, while I've gone and STARTED storms for him, being his lightning and thunder when he needed someone to speak up on his behalf or to get him motivated. Each of us has been there to protect and care for the other.
So, what have we learned in 8 years? Life isn't always what we planned, but when you feel like you're "in a rut" or "part of the machinery" and you have to let fate take over, I hope each of YOU has a person like I do that can come to you, give you a hug and say:
"Grab your things, I've come to take you home."
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