CODE GREEN: At Code Green, most of you can expect my usual snarky commentary, a sprinkling of Upworthy posts and the occasional article from The Root or Huffington Post, usually around 10 or 11 PM. Text messages from me will start off short, but quickly become more deep and introspective, while the games I have through Facebook will be played more often, usually on the laptop as I watch Netflix tv. I will make a list of about 3-5 things to accomplish before class starts next week.
CODE BLUE: At this level, you'll see a steady stream of links found while LOOKING at The Root or Huff Post, usually BuzzFeed or anything else that has a random number from 10-20 and the words "Things You Didn't Know About/Should Never/Always/Might/etc..." in the title. My game play will turn to the iPad, usually around 2 am, because I'm trying to get SOME sleep, but unsuccessfully. If I'm not still watching Netflix shows, I'm catching up on podcasts from Snap Judgment and reminding myself to record that Karbi story for them (which is on that list of about 6-8 things I need to accomplish before class starts next week). My text messages and FB statuses will turn into blog posts that I'll place on Ramblings From the Big Comfy Couch or Blinded By the Sprite.
CODE MAUVE: Do not let the color fool you, as this is one of the most deceptively easy levels to slip into, but hardest to escape (also, I don't really like mauve). The blog posts will now lead to a torrential hail of Bitstrips or homemade memes most of you left behind months ago. The Facebook posts will be mostly cartoons from the 80's, music from the 70's, and random stuff from Funny Or Die or College Humor. If I see your text, I won't remember to answer it until a day later, and you may not get the cohesive answers you're looking for. Game play is either Skylanders or The Sims on the laptop while playing iPad games, which will stop me from pretending I'm going to get any sleep. The podcast of choice will be Ask A Ninja (number 15 on my list of 9-12 things I need to accomplish before next week)
CODE PINK & PURPLE KRUSH VELVET, KRUSH GROOVE, ORANGE CRUSH, ORANGE SLICE, GOLFING SLICE, SLICE ON THE GREEN, GREEN CLOVERS, BLUE DIAMONDS, DIAMOND GIRL, LOVER GIRL, MEAT LOVERS, MEETUPS, UPCHUCKS, CHUCK TAYLORS, TAYLOR DAYNES, DANE COOKS, COOKING CAJUN, FORTUNE COOKIES, CHINESE FOOD, CATS IN THE CRADLE, & CATASTROPHIC EVENTS (sorry, no corresponding color follows this level of crazy). This is the highest rating on the color scale and indicates dangerous levels of tech immersion. At any given moment, I will be watching YouTube videos using Twonky on my Roku, slapping imps on Dungeon Keeper on my iPad, downloading music from videos to mp3s while uploading my old mixed music tapes digitally, adding more things to my iPhone's reminder list of 20-36 things to do before class starts next week...all while wikihopping from Krush Groove to List of Accidents and Disasters by Death Toll. There is NO blogging at this level, as I will have saturated myself with so much depressing, bizzarre, and random infomation that any attempt to repost on my part will tarnish silver and explode baby animals. It would also throw off the entire balance of good will in the world as more and more people I'm connected to return over and over to relink and share my downward spiral, (after all, who really knows how to look away from a train wreck once you know it's gonna happen)? There are only two warning signs for this level; 1) status posts/links from me have stopped entirely (because there is no reason to share a link to Wikipedia's List of Accidents and Disasters by Death Toll), or 2) (and most horrifying) all status posts have become links to videos that have any combination of the words "cat", "funny". "talking" or "crazy" OR have some sort of disaster set to the Benny Hill music.
At this point, both I and Kevin Burke will require your help to escape the house. Do NOT attempt to rescue us on your own, because as mild as the situation looks from the outside, if you engage me in conversation or even LOOK at the screen, you'll be trapped watching a My Little Ponies video overdubbed with Reggie Watts' "F**k S**t Stack", because, like everything else I've gotten into at this level, it's an addictive train wreck of cusswords, electronic beats, furlike body hair, and intelligent, yet random thoughts that you CANNOT LOOK AWAY FROM. Instead, follow these instructions to the LETTER:
1.Make a direct call to Niagara Mohawk and have them shut down the power grid for ALL of Western New York and the Finger Lakes.
2. Wait outside of my house with any entree from Avantis Grill. This will bring Kevin out. He'll be fine as long as you let him HAVE the food and get him to sleep with his CPAP on.
3. Allow at least another 8-10 hours for all batteries to die on all my electronic devices. At that point, place all your personal electronic devices out of reach, then wait outside for me to come out looking for lights on in the neighborhood to plug into.
4. Once I've stepped over the threshold of my front door, use a taser to take me down. I will be prepared for this, so DO NOT ALLOW ME to put any devices in between the taser tips and my body. This could possibly recharge whatever devices I may have come out with, and then you'll be trapped.
5. Once I'm immobilized, gently pry all devices from my person and speak in low, steady tones about paperback novels, spiral notebooks, and D & D (paper and pencil gaming). Once the tears of remembrance start, the healing can begin.
Current status: BLUE, with a hint of MAUVE (after all, this blog posts STARTED as a Facebook status!) Take precautionary measures, such as blocking me on Facebook or coming over and making me "do stuff". If you make me leave the phone behind, a simple trip to Double Dips for ice cream is enough to break the cycle of continual internet access. Save the Meme Maker (from herself), save the WORLD!
You have been warned!
P.S.--Okay, I'm posting the link to the Reggie Watts/My Little Pony video, but it's got a TON of cusswords and super inappropriate stuff....again, fair warning!
