Finally making a stand!

So I finally posted this video today of New York State Senator Diane Savino making the argument for gay marriage. After I responded to a friend's comment on the video, I realized I'd really been avoiding sharing my views on this subject, the same way I've done with just about every controversial issue the US ever faces (usually political or religious). As a teacher, I've been wary of offending with my views or somehow dictating policy. I don't like changing my picture or reposting someone else's thoughts for an hour on a whim. But still, I'm a human being with feelings and a sense of justice that I really can't ignore, not once I've decided something is right or wrong. I take a long time to get there and I waver back and forth when I hear the impassioned arguments from both sides, but when I've decided, it's a commitment to myself that I can't pretend about. I want, no NEED to be able to look at myself in the mirror each day and be proud knowing I've done what's right.

So, I copied my reply (which had turned into a full length note, anyway!) and pasted it below. I made a few grammatical changes to help in make sense out of context, and also added more thoughts to it (since my mind was whirring with all the connections this made for me). Read it and think about it, but remember...you and I don't have to agree on ANYTHING but our friendship to be REAL friends. I'm not insulting anyone in this piece, or taking away anyone's right to civil disagreement and intellectual discourse. I'm simply stating where I am and how I feel.

First of all, it was an amazing speech, even though I had to agree with my friend Brad Newton that she makes some broad generalizations about the quality of opposite and same sex marriages to make her point. In a way, saying how great the relationships of same sex couples she knows is a little like the "some of my best friends are black" defense! :-) It's a little embarrassing to hear, but in the grand scheme of changing hearts and minds, you overlook such awkward words because the heart is in the right place.
But despite the overall tone, the one part that I really felt made the grade was her story about the guy that stuck his head in her window. That's when she came up with the most legitimate and unbiased argument she could make: religious groups define marriage and the quality of relationships, and they can certainly continue to do so. Governments, however, are legally only allowed to hand the license to whatever two human beings show up at the courthouse with the right amount of cash.

Additionally (and this is just my thoughts, not part of her speech), I know many people feel that a law being in place or strong public opinion should make things have real legal standing and precedence. I've got two reasons that can't always be the case:

1. Church and state are separate by DESIGN in the Constitution, so making a law based on a religious standard really should never HAVE to come up (like, no one's ever tried to have the law define baptism or the eucharist). I know most cornerstones of law originate from religious teachings (generally because they DO foster brotherhood and a strong moral code), but the way we interpret things for our society is what tends to turn tolerance to prejudice and good to evil. On that note...

2. Some laws are passed that are just morally WRONG, even when they're fully supported by the people (which is something the Constitution also provides for). Remember, there was a time in which it was illegal for Kevin and I to marry, too, and LOTS of people agreed with that. Heck, even those who supported the freedom of African Americans frequently stopped short of wanting them in their families! It was the courts who originally condoned this country's "right" to discriminate in that way, but also the courts who ultimately put us back on the right path.

People of any color, religious creed, racial makeup, mental state, and even personal bias can marry whomever they want without question. Only one group is left to make America live up to to being the "land of the free", but it means being the "home of the brave", too.

I guess that's why I finally posted this. It's not enough to believe that people should all be treated fairly...you have the social responsibility to SPEAK UP when they aren't so that things change, even when you might face public outcry. For example, I do understand the frustration when people say to me "Well, I've never said anything bad about black people!", but I also have to counter with "Well, have you said anything at ALL?" After all, if some idiot was teasing a guy in a wheelchair or mugging someone in the parking lot, EVERYONE I know would offer some sort of admonishment or aid. Do we all do the same when someone makes ANY racist comment about ANY group, or do we just try to ignore the guy, thinking we'll never change him?

Well, today, it's the LGBT community getting talked about like dogs or getting mugged in the street by laws that keep them from doing the same things we all do. No matter which side you may be on, your VOICE and your REASON is what's important now. No intelligent discourse happens when reasonable, moderate people stay...well, reasonable and moderate! Tell the world WHY you are for or against and explain yourself in a rational, clear-minded way so that we can all think about what we've heard, then make a REAL judgment for ourselves. Otherwise, it's just high school all over again, where we are swept up in letting someone be treated badly because we're too afraid of joining them in that uncomfortable situation of being frowned upon for who we are and what we believe. After years of being grownups, are the bullies STILL going to win the war against our personal self worth and conviction because they think "louder is righter" (and that "righter" is a real word)?

Again, I have to LIKE the person I see in the mirror, and not just on the surface. How about you?