Baby afterward

Wow...

I can see why at age 36, I'm not supposed to stay up late anymore. I'm actually hung over from lack of sleep.

For those of you following the story, the crappy doctor is out of our lives and now so is the baby (via the surgery I had this weekend). This is not a bad thing...in fact, it's probably the biggest relief in my world right now, aside from going back to the classroom next year.

Before we did this D & C procedure, I had another ultrasound to see if Dr. Sperrazza was actually wrong, but I have to admit...no matter how wrong he's ever been about attitude and bedside manner, he's NEVER been wrong about a diagnosis. The ultrasound showed nothing there anymore (no baby, just a little yolk sac that the baby would have been attached to), so I finally decided it was okay to do the D & C and get everything out of there. Had there still been even the smallest little fragment of a person, it would have felt like an abortion of my firstborn and that would have been too hard to take.

Plus, I think this actually made it so I could understand what all the doctors were trying to tell me. Even though I was pregnant and we were all calling a baby, it wasn't really a baby yet. It really was cells that had started to develop, but (because God likes to be merciful) didn't develop because the sequence of chromosomes and all that wasn't right. Had I had a baby, it would have been something cruel and unusual, so my body did what it was supposed to. I ahve no idea how long it would have taken my body to get rid of everything on its own, but seeing as how that would have meant a VERY heavy period with VERY bad cramps, I was all ABOUT surgery!

Had it done Saturday EARLY (went to bed around midnight, got up at 4:30am to be at the hospital at 6am to have an 8am surgery) and because of the drugs and such, I'm still in a weird sleep schedule. I didn't go to sleep until almost 4 last night, but I got up at 10 again. So now I feel really off, but that's almost gone, too.

Anyway, more to post once I get back on the normal sleep wagon...!